Post Draft Thoughts and Grades

For Chueeey: The Cards had a fantastic draft. Antrel Rolle is a disciplined technician at the CB spot, and should help the Cards lockdown one half of the field for years to come. The only real question is his speed since he is only a 4.5 guy, but with some safety help, and avoiding leaving Rolle on an island will allow him to jump routes and totally shutdown bigger wideouts. JJ Arrington is a perfect fit for a Dennis Green offense. With legit 4.4 speed and great hands, he destined to fill the role of Robert Smith in the late 90's. With the Cardinals featuring prodominantly 3 WRs sets, Arrington is going to be able to run wild since the opponents will not be able to stack the line, and with his speed he will get to the corner, and he has the homerun ability to take every play to the house. Blackstock has a total steal. He is a guy with 1st round ability, but "character" issues dropped his stock to the 3rd round, absolutely brilliant pick, and Elton Brown, who was the #1 OG prospect on the board with definite 2nd round tools was picked in the 4th round, maybe one of the best value picks in the whole draft. The Cards get a solid A to A+. Here's the shocker though even Len agrees with my assessment of the Cards draft. Unbelievable, I can't understand it, but I think the Cardinals are going to be an NFL power in about 2-3 years (when their new stadium is built), but I also believe that is when the apocolypse will arrive, the world will end, and Cards fan will have to live out eternity wondering what might have been with the greatest Cards team ever.

For Ryan:

The Broncos are trapped in the "drafting for need rather than value" tailspin that is very reminisent of the mid to late 90's Dallas Cowboys. In fact, I feel for my boy Ryan, as a Dallas Cowboy fan I know the feeling of thinking that you are one or two guys away from the big game, but every year feels like the team is getting just that much further away. With an aging O-Line and a very questionable receiving core, the Broncos chose Maurice Clarett, when really good values on the O-Line were still available (with the obvious example being Elton Brown, see above, isn't the Cards out drafting the Broncos a sign mentioned in the Book of Revelations?). Let' s hope their 2 first rounders next year payoff because this year's draft was a throwaway since none of the picks are going to be contributing much more than being speical teamers. Don't worry though Ryan, salary cap hell is only a couple of seasons away, so at least you can look back to 8-8 seasons with a smile. As for a draft grade, a definite D, could've been lower, but rumour has it that Clarett was going to Dallas in the 4th, so that minimizes (a bit) of the reach in the 3rd for Maurice.

For Richie:

The Bucs had a great first round nabbing the #2 RB in the entire draft. Caddy has the break away speed, vision, and toughness to compare to the great Emmitt Smith. He definitely projects to be Emmitt like based on his size/speed ratio. Let's hope Gruden doesn't fuck it up, but since he turned Charlie Garner into a superstar, I think my fantasy football team is going to feature a Cadilliac very prominantly. Personally, loved the Barrett Rudd pick in the 2nd round, since the Bucs haven't had a good MLB since Hardy Nickerson left town, and Rudd had been projected into the first on a lot of mocks, great value for the Bucs in the 2nd, and it fills a need. The next great Buc steal had to be Nicholson in the 5th. This is the guy that replaced Roy freaking Williams at Oklahoma without missing too many beats, I think the Bucs finally found a true replacement for the departed John Lynch. Solid picks throughout the draft, with a difference maker at the top, a very solid B to B+.

For me and other tortured Cowboys fans,

First I would like to say that I am only too happy that the Lions drafted Mike Williams because I am certain that the Cowboys wouldn't have taken him, and watching them pass on a great WR would bring back too many horrific nightmares of the Randy Moss debacle. Second, the Demarcus Ware pick was terrible, absolutely horrid. They were looking for a OLB who could excel in a 3-4, um, how about taking the fastest LB in the last few drafts, Derrick Johnson. Johnson was a tackling machine at UT, what the hell is Parcells smoking, I guess getting the best LB in the nation last year isn't the kind of thing Dallas is into. Instead let's draft a guy from a really small school, and hope that he can make the transition from being a DE to being a OLB, awesome, yet another failed Dallas draft project. Now, with the second pick in the round, where Roddy White was available, and the Cowboys had a desparate need for a speed receiver, they decided to grab a fat-ass DE (Marcus Spears), who runs the 40 in 5+ seconds, and has never threatened to sack a QB in college! But I am sure that he can do it in the pros (sigh, a draft full of promise, all thrown away). Now in the 2nd round, Dallas is looking for another speed OLB, and they take a player that at best can be considered a reach. Notably is that Channing Crowder still on the board, but instead they don't pick him, and in the process gives Mel Kiper an aneryseum. Now the rest of their draft were filler picks, so none of them are real steals or standouts in which case, this draft is rated a solid C (only because it helps facilitates a move to Parcells' next great mistake, installing the 3-4, but since the Cowboys haven't had a pass rush since 1995, maybe the 3-4 won't be a complete disaster, but I doubt it).

Stay tuned for more draft grades, I have to pretend to do some work right now.

More NFL Draft Silliness

First the get Randy Moss for free, then they get a 1st round pick for Doug freaking Jolley!
I am not sure about this, but I think Al Davis has just completed the greatest series robberies in the history of the NFL. Absolutely incredible, I can't even pull of deals this ridiculous in Madden, welcome to the twilight zone.

Redskins Trade Makes No Sense

The Redskins have just traded their 3rd round pick this year, AND a 1st and 3rd pick next year for the glorious possibility of picking Jason Campbell at the end of the 1st round. Pardon me while I stand to the side and gleefully cheer the continued demise of Dallas' most hated rival. Who the hell is running the Skins? This trade isn't a head scratcher, its the kind of trade that makes you want to run into a wall until you knock yourself unconscious (if I were a Redskins fan). I mean the Giants traded a 3rd, future 1st and 3rd for Peyton Manning's Little Brother (for future reference Ely will always be called the little brother until he does something), and Jason Campbell is worth nearly the same price. REALLY???? Is Patrick Ramsey that bad??? Is it me or has Dan Synder become the NFL owner's version of a degenerate gambler, you know the guy in the casino that loses all his cash, then reaches the ATM withdrawal limit, and then maxes out his credit cards, and finally just loses his house. At what point will do all these horrendous trades and salary cap fiascos hit the fan, and when they do, will the Redskins just field a Arena League team.

Seriously, why doesn't every GM in the league just call up Washington and offer random trades, isn't there like a 50/50 chance that they would do it no matter how ridiculous it was. Like if I were Dallas, why not give the Redskins a call, and say, hey you want to trade us Lavar Arrington for a 7th round pick and a pack of cigarettes. Honestly, I really think the Redskins will unload almost anyone on their roster for less than market value if that player has questioned the all-powerful Synder. Talk about a crippling Naploeon Compex.

Raptors Rant

I am completely and utterly exasperated at this point. I won't be attending tonight's game mainly because scalpers are charging 3 times what it normally takes to see the Raptors get their asses handed to them. As all of you know, I would love to go to tonight's game to boo and boo and boo.

However, what I want to do tonight is not the point of this post. I just feel that I need to express my true feelings about our beloved Raptors. I do not blame Vince Carter. I will boo him mainly because of my own disappointment in the Raptors. Asking to be traded, not playing 100%, these are things that I expect from pro athletes, and Vince is no different. No, I never expected more out of Vince than the typical NBA player, but that doesn't lessen the sting of watching him light it up in New Jersey, but who is at fault for this? Why do we blame Carter, when the man we should really despise is Rob Babcock and Richard Peddie.

How do these men walk the streets of Toronto and sit in the ACC without having to constantly worry about flares/bricks/batteries/bags of shit being thrown at them?

How can we sit here and watch HAFFA FUCKING ARRUJO pretend that he can play basketball? When the alternative could have had been watching Andre Iguodala shutting down the wing and pairing with Chris Bosh to form one of the most formidable young defensive tandems in the L, or maybe watching JR Smith and Chris Bosh form a lethal inside/outside pairing, and maybe even watching Bosh and Al Jefferson give us the Toronto version of the Motown Wallaces. No, rather than these possibilities, I now have to face the fact that the Raptors used the #8 OVERALL pick on a guy that I would have gladly taken Robert Swift over. Read that again, Robert Swift, who with the exceptions of Korleone Young, Disenga Diop, and Leon Smith may be the worse possible high schooler to ever enter the draft.

How is it that we continue to hope that the Raptors will improve, when they will disappoint us and betray us every single time they take some unatheletic white player from Utah or Europe and parade him in front of us like he is a legit NBA baller?

The crowds at the ACC are the smallest I have ever seen, and I think I am not the only that has reached the breaking point. The Vince Carter Robbery (to call it a trade is to give Rob Babcock too much credit) wasn't the beginning of the end, it was merely the exclamation point on the nightmare that was been the Raptors management.

So fuck you Richard Peddie and Glen Grunwald/Rob Babcock for destroying the only Toronto franchise that I have cared about. Fuck you for taking the hopes and dreams that everyone had after Game 7 against the Sixers and giving us back empty words and even lesser results. I still haven't gotten over that loss in 2001, and sadly with the way the franchise is being run, that may serve as the highlight of my tenure as a Raptor fan.

At this point, I hope and wish that the Raps will prove me wrong, and right the ship, but I can't care anymore. I can't care anymore because I have been betrayed too many times. I can't care anymore because the pain will never go away, and to keep caring about such a broken Raptors franchise like this is unhealthy. Right now, I can't care about what these Raptors will do in June or where these Raptors will pick.

With that said, if the Lottery gods smile on us, and we get the number one pick, and Marvin Williams has declared, maybe things will be looking up, but hey its Rob Babcock, so let's get ready for some that fucking cracker Andrew Bogut.

The Fine Print

After discussion with some of the female readers of this blog it has come to my attention that I need to discuss a few of the automatic elimination rules for the top ten.

Rule #1: Over 31? You can fuggitabout....
Now I am not saying that this is set in stone (see Angelina Jolie), but if you're on the wrong side of 30, you are just cut off. Oh, and if you're on the wrong side of 40, you haven't even been considered (yes, I am talking about Madonna, Gwenyth, Uma, Sharon Stone, et al).

Rule #2: Have a kid? Take a number....
Having a kid is pretty much an ouster from consideration for a whole host of reasons, the first and foremost being that someone's mom, can't really be considered hot (AJ is still the only real exception to that rule, and Britney is definitely looking at a lifetime ban)

Rule #3: You are so unfamous that even the Surreal Life won't put you in their house....
Flava Flav, Brigette Wilson, Uncle Joey, the youngest Brady son, Charo, Corey Feldman, MC Hammer, Ron Jeremy, the first winner of America's Next Top Model.....if she's not making this list, she's not making mine either

In response to your Top Ten comments!

Okay first of all, almost every single celebrity suffers once the make up/photoshop is taken away (except of Jessica Alba, but she is like an eclipse/cleavage. George, you can only glance at it, you can't stare, otherwise you'll go blind! Glance and look away!)

Now, Rachel is #6 based on hotness factor from TV/Maxim photos cause it is difficult to argue with what we see every Thursday. Now, I have never had an in person glimpse of Rachel, but let's just remember the catty factor, ahem. Besides, its freaking Summer! Remember her prancing around in that bikini in the immortal "Welcome to the OC, bitch" episode, that's what I thought, #6 it is.

Josie, Kristen, and Shakira definately got honarable mentions, but each had a flaw that they just couldn't overcome to break the top ten. Josie, while super hot, is not really all that famous, and she is so destined for an appearance on the Surreal Life. Plus the whole "dating that pussy David Blaine" thing is a big time strike against her. Next, Kristen was definitely considered for the #10 spot, but Lacey beat her out cause of she had a better pair of, um, "assets" (plus there is the whole, I remember when she was Claudia on Party of Five, and she was just a scray looking kid, I mean she had to get bonus points for bucking the odds in adolesenace, and not turning in a Punky Brewster level let down (breast reduction surgery??? is that against the law???). As for Shakira, I've never been a fan, and its my blog, so it doesn't have to make sense.

NFL Draft Random Thoughts

Well the NFL Draft is only 1.5 weeks away, and things are starting to get exciting!

I would talk about the draft overall, but let's be honest, we all only really care about what our teams will be doing (except for me, but I buy draft prospect magazines, so clearly I have problems), so here are my thoughts for what some of your favorite teams are going to be doing:

Arizona Cardinals (Chueeey):
The Cards have #8 overall, and what's that you say? The Cardinals are not picking in the top 5 of the draft, clearly I must be in the Twilight Zone. Arizona desperately needs a RB or CB, so the obvious projection is Cedric Benson or Antrel Rolle. If its Benson, the Cards are going to regret it. Benson has "poor man's Ricky Williams" written all over him. He lacks the ability to seperate once he is into the second level, and he has little less wiggle than a white girl trying to dance to a Trick Daddy song. Plus he is about a 4.6 in the forty, which basically means death in the NFL, no matter what scouts try to convince themselves of based on college "production"

If its Antrel there is hope in the desert since this guy is a definite shutdown corner, considering he put the handcuffs on the Cardinals very own #2 pick from the 2004 draft, Larry Fitzgerald. The only scary part about this pick is that defensive prospects goto to Arizona to die (Andre Wadsworth, Wendel Bryant) or leave in their primes (Simieon Rice).

Minnesota Vikings (Jay):
The Vikings are going to do everything, including scrafice Mike Tice to the Sun God, to make sure that either Mike Williams or Braylon Edwards is going to be there. They better hope that its Braylon because Mike Williams is going to be the next Keyshawn Johnson. Willaims is too slow to seperate, and while he probably has the most incredible hands, he is just a twinkie away from eating himself into being a TE, not a risk I'd like if I was picking #7. As a huge Wolverines fan, I'd love to say that Braylon is going to break the tradition set by Desmond Howard, David Terrell, Marquise Walker, and Amani Toomer, but who am I to go against history. All of this means that the Vikings will have gotten fleeced in the Randy Moss deal, almost at the level of my trading Antonio Brayant and a #1 pick for Randy Moss at the beginning of my Madden franchise.

Tampa Bay Bucs (Richie and Griffin)
The woeful Bucs are sending a lot of smoke up everyone's ass saying that they might take Mike Williams with the #5 pick. This is about as likely the Raptors NOT finding a way to draft Andrew Bogut, which is to say, sadly, not likely at all. The Bucs will be taking Mr. Carnell "Cadillac" Williams based on need, and the fact that Williams has the ablilty to take it to the house everytime he touches it, plus Jon Gruden has a serious hard on for him after the Senior Bowl. It will be a decent pick, not a reach, not amazing value, but everyone will be satisfied, which is distinctly different than being happy, since Williams is not the sort of player that will alter Tampa's destiny which is to have yet another Top 10 pick next season.

More draft thoughts later (if you think the analysis above is negative, wait till you hear what I have to say about my own favorite team the Cowboys...)

Inaugural Celebrity Hottie Top Ten

As promised, here is the first Hottie Top Ten to be published. Nothing is set in stone, and things can change very suddenly. The ranking is determined very scientifically based on variables such has, "Q rating " (I don't really know what that means), Number of Leaked Homemade Sex Tapes on the Internet to extend a flagging career (yep, you guessed it, the more tapes the lower the rating!), and many factors that I can't begin to get into because it would be so mind boggling that you would all be rendered helpless mental infants.

So without further delay (reasons for the top 5, after that just the names, like I said, I'm lazy) :

1. Jessica Alba
- C'mon, have you seen Sin City? Hell this is the woman that was able to encourage me to watch "Flipper" on YTV back in 1995, enough said.

2. Natlie Portman
- This is probably going to cause a lot of dissention, but hear me out. Ignore the Star Wars fiascos, forget Beautiful Girls, and just watch Closer. Trust me your opinion will change. Its all about the face.

3. Katie Holmes
- Has fallen off a bit since Dawson's Creek was cancelled, but with Batman Begins coming out on June 17 (mark it down, people) Katie will be making a monumental comeback (if comebacks for people still in their 20's is an appropriate term).

4. Angelina Jolie
- Total MILF here. A little old, but hey everyone just has to respect the hottness. Besides, things probably won't be heading south for her for at least another couple of years.

5. Jessica Simpson
- A little overexposed, and is anyone else excited that Newlyweds is being cancelled? Still, a lot of good "qualities", and I have a feeling she is gonna look pretty good as Daisy Duke. (Damn you Nick Lachey, floor seats to March Maddness and Jessica).

6. Rachel Bilson (mmm, rage blackouts)

7. Eliza Dushku (only reason to watch Tru Calling)

8. Jennifer Love Hewitt

9. Lindsay Lohan (even though she is way too into old guys)

10. Lacey Chabert (Party of Five is like a fine wine, the more the show ages, the more you appreciate it)

Gave into the Blogging Boogie Man

Sigh, I've given into the blogging boogie man, and now my random thoughts will be here for everyone on the net to see. Of course, starting a blog is probably just a natural progression of a person who can never shut up, but in reality this blog is just a byproduct of being "wicked borred" at work (does anyone really find doing tax returns an exhilarting experience?).

Just a quick rundown of what to expect from this blog:
1. I will be talking ALOT about happenings in the sports world. I've always wanted to be a sportswriter, but my atrocious spelling and utter lack of understanding of basic grammer has really held me back, so instead I'll just post to here, so screw you Toronto Star editors. Basically this is going to an internet version of Rome is Burning, AND you don't have to listen to Jim Rome's pointless rants (just mine).

2. Movies, TV shows, Celebrity Gossip, and other random happenings in the world of pop culture will be discussed, Ad Nauseum. You can expect links to interesting sites for movies and celebrity gossip, of course I won't be breaking any celebrity news since I have no connections, live in figid Toronto (not sunny LA), and don't really have any access to anyone remotely interesting at all. Of course general discussions of anything and everything that comes on television (PVR has actually turned me into a TV junkie, not that my TV watching was low before) will be a staple of this blog.

3. Ah yes, the pointless banter. This is where all the random pointless thoughts that pop into my head will find their place to be unleashed onto an unsuspecting world. Discussion about pressing issues such as "How can I effectively plan for Mike Vick's retirement in my Madden 2005 franchise?" and "How on Earth is THAT guy dating that chick" can be totally expected.

4. Hopefully, I will be able to maintain an Oscar's Celebrity Hottie Top Ten, but we'll see about that, updates may be few and far between cause I am pretty lazy.